Whaddupyo?  This is the inaugural article for a new series entitled Batman Vs. In these articles I will detail how the Dark Knight Detective, Batman, when pitted against another character, would decimate them. Although the title of this article might have been misleading, this post has nothing directly to do with Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. I decided to start this series with Superman since the movie is out now, but this is not a review. Having said that, I’ve seen it twice now and really liked it both times. Deal with it.

Beyond the standard arguments people have about superhero fights, it is important to clarify how a character comes out on top. For these articles, I plan on explaining how Batman achieves his victories. It is my hope that this will separate these posts from the typical “Nuh-uh, Superman’s way stronger, for real” we’ve all been subjected to since childhood. Therefore, I will present a reasonable case for how the Dread Avenger of the Night shatters his opponents. Plus, citing evidence when possible.

With this battle, it’s reasonable to assume that it is taking place in Gotham City. Since Batman rarely leaves the city, we will assume that a mission has brought the Man of Steel here. Home field advantage is going to be a major asset to Batman here. The Wayne family made a large chunk of their wealth in real estate. That means Bruce Wayne owns this town and would have various bases and stashes scattered throughout. This concept was also introduced in the nineties when it was explained that during the Prodigal storyline, when Dick Grayson was acting Batman, that Bruce was establishing satellite Batcaves at key points around Gotham. In addition to Batman’s unparalleled knowledge of the geography of Gotham, this makes the city a weapon for him.

Superman’s attack would have to appear to be unprovoked, and his motivations a mystery to Batman, at least to begin with. The most straightforward way for the Last Son of Krypton to attack would be when Batman is on patrol at night on a rooftop.

Batman, surveying the city, hears a shrill whistle of wind heading his way. Just before impact, his ninja training and bat-like reflexes kick in and he jumps out of the way. Turning, he discovers Superman, rising from the edge of the building he crashed into when he missed his target. Batman reaches out to his fellow Justice Leaguer, and inquires as to what he is doing. Immediately, Bruce detects that something is amiss with Superman. Agitated, Kal-El seems to be under the influence of another. Superman strikes repeatedly at Batman. With Superman’s lightning attacks slightly dulled by whatever is affecting him, Batman is just able to avoid the head-decapitating blows. Deciding to retreat until he can ascertain what has control over his friend, Batman leaps off the roof. The Man of Tomorrow unleashes a wave of heat vision blasts at Batman as he dives off. Quickly, Batman throws an array of batarangs that deflect the blasts and redirect them harmlessly at the building and some back at Superman.

Swinging away, Batman tries to figure out what has happened to Superman. Another stray heat vision bolt severs Batman’s cord and he tumbles to a nearby fire escape. Down the block, the sound of the Batmobile rushing to his location can be heard. Dropping down to street level, Batman rushes to his transport. Right behind him, Superman crashes to the ground, shattering the asphalt beneath. Twisting back, Batman tosses a capsule from his utility belt at the Man of Steel’s face. On impact, the capsule breaks and a super adhesive forms around his head. Knowing that this attack will only slow him down, Batman leaps into the car and speeds off.

Setting a destination for a Wayne owned warehouse, the World’s Greatest Detective catalogues Superman’s behavior and checks it against mind controlling villains he has encountered. Bursting through a wall of the warehouse, the Batmobile screeches to a halt. Batman leaps out as a sonic boom can be heard from outside. Bruce rushes to a particular container in the warehouse. As he reaches it, the roof collapses in as Superman slams into the ground.

Weighing his options, Batman realized that his options were limited in defeating Superman. The kryptonite ring that Superman entrusted to him (in Action Comics 654) is housed deep in the Batcave. In the Hush story, Batman relates that he brought the ring with him because he was heading to Metropolis, implying that he does not carry it with him at all times. Knowing that he could not reach the Batcave in time, he decided to exploit Superman’s other Achilles heal, magic.

Protected from the roof in the container, Batman then emerges with his prize, the Spear of Destiny. After the events of Final Crisis, the spear was retrieved by The Question and Huntress. It’s logical to assume that Batman, wanting to keep the spear out of the wrong hands, acquired it and stored it anonymously in one of his warehouses, because Batman plans for everything.

Armed with the lance that pierced Christ, Batman lunges at his ally. Slicing open his side, the Dark Knight then activates his suit’s last resort defense. A large, one use surge of electricity. Conducted through the spear, the electricity shoots through the kryptonian’s body. Falling to the ground, singed and bleeding, Clark catches himself as a small card drifts to the ground. Retrieving it, Batman recognizes the now smouldering electronic card, labeled with 10/6, confirming his suspicions. A mind control device crafted by the Batman’s nemesis, the Mad Hatter.

Superman, now in control of himself again, goes with Bruce to the Batcave, to tend to his wounds. Afterwards, they trace the mind control signal back to Hatter’s hideout. They swiftly mop up his henchman and capture Mad Hatter, throwing him back into Arkham Asylum.

Later, Superman apologizes for what happened. Batman reassures him that everything is alright between them and that if he were compromised in a similar fashion, he would expect Clark to do the same. (Even though Batman has a second personality, Batman of Zur-En-Arrh, as a backup to prevent this from ever happening.) Superman then takes off back to Metropolis, waving as he ascends. Batman waves back, confident in the knowledge that he just kicked Superman’s ass.